My New Life

Thinking about my life before I moved to Austin makes me remember all of the long conversations I had with friends about our expectations of college and the nights when I dreamed of moving to a different environments. I come from a small town; just about everyone knew of my existence, and if they didn't, they knew of someone who did. That was one of the good things about living in a small town, but it was also bad for some people. Pictured to the right is Crosby Church, which is a nondenominational church and is one that I visited sometimes with my friends. Throughout high school I saw myself changing in good and bad ways. I began to learn the importance of education and that it would get me further than worrying about the drama that constantly circulated around my school.

One thing I remember is the feeling of not being at home in my home. I loved Crosby and all of its people but I just always knew it was not the right place for me. I wanted "scholarship, new experiences, and freedom from [my] past self " (177). I was always the one to sort of run away from things. Every summer I escaped to my second home in Washington, D.C. to get away from the burdens I felt at "home." Going to a different environment allowed me to clear my head and get a sense of what I was experiencing. I don't like to run away from my problems, but I do like to find the best solution, which usually resulted in a change of environment.

When I decided to pursue my undergraduate studies in the state of Texas, UT was basically my only option. I considered other colleges but none of them got my attention like UT. Before I arrived in Austin, my expectations were to meet a diverse group of new friends, learn about the variety of subjects offered to Liberal Arts majors, and ultimately to become a better individual. I also believed that my "my weakness of character, as it may be called, suggested that [I] was the sort of [woman] who was born to ache a good deal before the fall of the curtain upon [my] unnecessary life should signify that all was well with [me] again" (649). Meaning that I expect to fail at some areas I may chose to explore, which is something I am not use to doing. Everything came easy to me in high school, but I expect for UT to put challenges along my path.

My high school was a fairly good academic school, but I always had the feeling of not being on the same level as other students. I had friends from other schools that had excellent SAT scores and above average AP scores. My high school would only have a couple of students every year that would make 4's and 5's on their AP tests, which made me realize that even though I took the hardest classes offered at my school, I still wasn't on the same level as other students around the nation. I remember having a discussion about the academics in my school district with the Superintendent of the Crosby ISD; he made efforts to raise the academic standards in the district, but it would take time to see the full effects of his policies. So when he explained to me about Plan II at UT, he said that " [I] would no longer feel like [I'm] at the top of my class, but [I] would feel like [I] was at the bottom and struggles would be almost unavoidable" (Dr. Hendrix). His words were frightening and exciting at the same time. I felt that I would actually be challenged academically and would have to seek out the help from others. While Plan II's curriculum is different from my high school, I no longer fell frightened. I love the fact of not knowing everything all of the time; the pressure to be perfect is lifted a little of my shoulders. So my expectation to be challenged at UT has been fulfilled, but I appreciate it and know that it will be of assistance in the future.

Austin and UT is everything I dreamed it would be. It is filled with interesting people that are not like me but respect me for who I am. I have met wonderful new friends especially in World Literature; friends that I will hopefully complete my academic journey with and will stay in touch with for a long time. " I love this place...it is the centre of the universe to me, because of my early dream: and nothing can alter it" (644). UT is the place I have been trying to find for a long time; I feel at home here, which will make my learning experience more meaningful and enjoyable. There are endless possibilities here. I want to go to Law School, which UT offers. I want to be able to have a city life whenever I chose and then be able to escape to the country whenever I want; Austin is the ideal for that transition.

The one thing that excited my most about college is the ability to reinvent yourself. I didn't plan on moving here and becoming a completely new person, but I did expect to develop into a better person academically and socially. I can feel the changes occurring; I have never been so happy in my life. I still get stressed out about school work, but I am able to find happiness in my environment.

My expectations of college now is the same as before I moved here; I see my expectations constantly being fulfilled so I feel there is no need to change them. I still expect to meet more people and learn about them, I want to be challenged academically for my remaining time here, and I want to "only connect" my academic experiences into my personal life in order to become a better person that can make a difference in other people's life.

Sitting in room 110 in Kinsolving Dormitory, "[I want] to make this moment last; it would belong solely to [me], and live in [my] memories as a flash of independence" (179).